If You Love Someone, Say It!

April 20, 2010

A new day and you are off to work, off to somewhere. When you part with your wife, husband or whoever you share your life with, what do you say? So long? Later? Nothing? Do you say, “I love you?”  If you don’t feel this way, why are you with this person?

How easy it is to take the person we live with for granted. They have been around long enough to become as common as the couch. We get caught up in important things, jobs, blogs, tweets. Or, you might even think you’re bored with the same person in your life after a number of years.
 
 
About Love, Boredom And Choice

We can allow things to bore us, but that is a choice from within, not without, and people are not things.

I have never known anyone with an intellect above a fly who was bored. Boredom is another way of saying “I’m not smart enough to entertain myself.” Most of us don’t have time to be bored – we are too busy with too much information, too much thinking, too many gadgets and toys.

It all seems so simple,
yet we don’t use the word love enough. Yeah, I’m a guy so I should be thinking about sports and the tragedy of Tiger Woods I suppose. As I write this it occurs to me that this made for television golf drama is boring. My wife is not boring. I love her. I don’t have any feelings of endearment for Woods, the iPad or other transient things like this.

Two things everyone who loves someone should always do

When you part, even for a short time, simply say, I love you. Everyday.  Cliché yet relevant example – Imagine they are killed in an accident and you may never have the opportunity to say that again. This moment is forever gone?

Never be embarrassed to say I love you. I’ve been guilty of this. And I’ve been on the receiving end as well. If you are in a meeting, with friends, with people anywhere and you are talking on the phone, before you hit the button to disconnect, just say it.
I love you.

John Lennon said “All you need is love.” Working under the assumption that you have your practical life in order, that you have come to grips with self-actualization, do you think this is true?

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

missy April 20, 2010 at 6:28 am

All so true! And the Tiger Woods thing is boring me too. When someone asks me if I’m keeping up with it, I want to say “why? It has no relevance to my life – my family is so much more important than Tiger Wood’s affairs.”
.-= missy´s last blog ..My Happiness Project – the Year I became a Grown Up =-.

Hal Brown April 20, 2010 at 6:45 am

Him and all the other VIPs TV news drama. Thanks Missy.

Randy Murray April 20, 2010 at 7:24 am

Thanks for the reminder, Hal. It is easy to forget, to say “they know how I feel.”

I think that an equally important phrase you should say when you feel it is “I’m proud of you.”

Hal Brown April 20, 2010 at 9:06 am

You’re right of course. A couple of years ago I conducted a rather large class in an auditorium. When it was over, some one I respected said to me, “I’m so proud of you.”
He couldn’t have given me a better compliment.
Thanks Randy.

Mari April 20, 2010 at 11:45 am

Your thoughtfulness permeates so many subjects, Hal. As I get ready to dive into another round of obsessive, focused work, your commentary thankfully reminds me of my life’s most important component: love. My husband and I long ago limited the use of the words “love” and “hate,” verbs that are haphazardly strewn around. As if the newest yogurt flavor carries the equivalent capacity to be loved as a spouse or child. You can like something an awful lot, but does one really love a new blouse? Or a new cell phone? Better save the notion for someone truly special.

Same with “hate.” Do you really hate a certain food? Dislike is more appropriate, more conditional. Hate implies an irrevocable and unquestionable component. We have done a pretty good job of highlighting this casual word usage of love and hate to our children. They grew up able to recognize the insincerity of their over-application.

Love professed and sincere can be felt and detected more through action than language. I learned long ago that saying it, “I love you,” does not always go hand-in-hand with like-minded action. But when love permeates one’s actions, when love is not relegated to glimpses on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries and birthdays, when love and respect are so intertwined that their separation is imperceptible, that’s magic.

Hal Brown April 20, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Mari, you never fail to impress me with your insight into human nature.
I agree with you about love and hate. Strong words, too strong for things, reserved for people.
Long ago I started to use the word despise for things and people I very much don’t like. In my life I have hated only a couple of evil people.
Love is reserved for only people who are closest to me.
I cannot add anything to the elegant way you wrote about this.
Thanks for a beautiful comment.
And since you didn’t add your comment luv (ironical, I know),
http://www.capsurz.com/ is certainly worth a visit.

Kissie April 21, 2010 at 11:49 pm

And, I’m going there now!
.-= Kissie´s last blog ..Crusty Elbows =-.

Mari April 20, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Hal,
Thank YOU for the comment and the comment luv.
Knowing you has enriched my happy quotient.

Kevin M. April 20, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Great advice Hal!
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..Self-control is more than just self-help =-.

Hal Brown April 20, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Thanks for stopping by Kevin.

Karen April 20, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Oh, Hal, I’m sure that this will hit home to many people who have forgotten how powerful those 3 little words are. They should remind themelves how lucky that they have someone to say them to, and someone who says it back to them.

Life is too short to be with someone who can’t be bothered to repeat them back to you.

Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..The Only Words You Need To Overcome Your Fears =-.

Hal Brown April 20, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Thanks Karen. Everything you said it true. Especially someone who repeats it back.

Kathy April 20, 2010 at 7:42 pm

My husband wrote this and I could not pass up the opportunity to comment because he writes from the heart. It’s not the words you say but the actions that reinforce the words that mean so much. When I rush into work and headlong into problems, I have in my mind the image of my husband standing at the door as I jumped into the car, he smiling and telling me he loves me, and that gets me through the whole day, no matter how rotten. He has no idea how nice I have been to people I want to smack up side the head, because I know someone is waiting for me that loves me and that wonderful feeling just oozes out of me sometimes. To quote an old proverb: “Love and a cough cannot be hid.”

Hal Brown April 21, 2010 at 5:19 am

Well, I know now. We air our clean laundry in public. You never fail to surprise me. My real reply will be more personal.

Debbie April 20, 2010 at 9:37 pm

Thank you, Hal, for such a thoughtful post. In a few weeks, my husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. In those 25 years we have never parted without saying “I love you”. Likewise, our children do not leave or say goodbye without one or both of us saying “I love you”. So much power in three little words. . .
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Going Green: 45 Educational Resources =-.

Hal Brown April 21, 2010 at 5:14 am

Congratulations Debbie! I hope you have at least 25 more good years, saying the same thing to each other.
Absolutely include the children, even if it embarrasses them at a certain age.

David Fraser April 21, 2010 at 3:27 pm

Nice post and very true. I will try to follow your advice, but fail badly. I only say it one person and I’m probably the only person that she says it to. Is that so bad?
.-= David Fraser´s last blog ..World Seniors Snooker Championship =-.

Kissie April 21, 2010 at 11:48 pm

This is an easy one for me.

The problem I have and watch is how often I use the word love and the things I use it to describe what I feel…. i.e., I love the way someone says something. So, I don’t to discount the meaning and sincerity when I tell my loved ones that I love them. I like to add to the words, I love you….by how I treat those I love.

Hey Hal, I love you TOO!
.-= Kissie´s last blog ..Crusty Elbows =-.

Hal Brown April 22, 2010 at 5:31 am

Kissie, you’re just a person who loves life and people. You’re a good person.
Agreed, the way you say something forms the true meaning. You can’t very well say I love you with a snarl.
Thanks for adding that.

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