The Green Report On The Current Environment

August 10, 2010 · 14 comments

Tlgm, a short swarthy man with greenish skin from the planet H51 in the Andromeda Galaxy,  stepped out of his ship near the biggest Air Force base in the U.S. He had surreptitiously dropped by earth to observe the current state of affairs on this unorthodox planet. Tlgm’s job was to take note of social conditions, political issues and the mind-set of the population, then report back to Zyyrcon. As his first country was the U.S. he immediately proceeded to  observe and record his findings. Given the current disposition in the U.S. he was eager to see what conclusions he might draw, what sort of report could he make?

In need of a starting point, Tlgm watched television news. He knew that reporters should report – what better source than listening to the journalists? Starting at the lowest point possible, he flitted about a few cities and watched reports from local stations. He wanted his record of events to be as accurate as possible upon returning to HQ at Zyyrcon.

After a single day, he dropped all local stations. He saw that his records were already becoming redundant with the incessant spate of murders, rapes, robberies and other regional crimes. Besides, with the exception of current conditions, the weather reports were inaccurate. In one day he developed the “seen one, seen ‘em all” notion about local newscasts.

Things that start with i are more valuable than gold.

National news was somewhat different – although if a crime is heinous enough reporters seemed to think it necessary to ask incredibly stupid questions. “You’re mother was just killed by a turbulent comet storm, you just learned you have inoperable cancer and the CIA, believing you are a national threat, has surrounded the building – how do you feel right now?
Tlgm decided to focus on political concerns. This was the core, the power that runs the country. Or was it? No matter, he could sort the data later and come to a better understanding of who or what made this machine tick.

Within a day he began to see a pattern developing. There was consistency to the apparent madness that these humans display. One word persistently ran through his mind. Hate. The people have grouped, and each group hates nearly all other groups. Tolerance is a word seldom used, a concept they don’t understand.

They have religion without tolerance for nonconformists to their sect. In fact, as Tlgm discovered, they have killed each other for centuries for this very reason. Religion is the bloodiest moral scheme ever devised by humans. As far as he can see into the future, nothing will change with religion, hate and bloodbaths. How sad, he thought.

The people are divided by class. A generation back there was a larger middle class – now that was rapidly dwindling. The top class has no understanding of the bottom class, especially the street-dwellers. Neither does the bottom class understand the top class, especially the very wealthy. Why can’t they understand the ever so simple concept that, unless one has lived as the other, they can’t possibly know anything about one another. He perceived the top class as especially stupid about this.

Among all the major Hates, Tlgm noted a few other current “hates” in his record before heading back to Zyyrcon.

The woman, Sarah Palin hates the president of the US. In all her speeches she condemns him and rails about taking the country away from him. The president doesn’t hate Sarah Palin. He tries very hard to ignore her. Besides, he is often diverted from his job in an effort – among other things – to prove his citizenship.

The man, Rush Limbaugh hates all people who do not worship him. Apparently, he is some sort of shaman. He has a large following of haters who worship him. If not already, he will soon start a new religion. Tlgm’s supposes it will be Rushism. Limbaugh sounds so much like a smelly cheese (or a dance where people wriggle under an ever lowered stick). It would be hard to attach an ism something like that.

Most people have an uncanny inability to set priorities. Tlgm speculates this could stem from group hate – everyone seems to identify with a group. Group think takes precedence over individual thinking. Priority setting therefore is a group dictum, fashionably referred to as collaboration.

Due to lack of priorities, most of them are obsessed with materialism. And again, this is probably a group issue. They call it fashion, trend, buzz, craze, and it is dictated by a mad desire to obtain status. The definition of status is owning a gadget with the perception that it makes others jealous. Things that start with i are apparently more valuable than gold.

They have to work at being happy. How strange this is, Tlgm thought. If there is a need to work for happiness, then the entire notion of happiness is a non sequitur. Tlgm knows that happiness is not thinking about being happy. It is spontaneous joy of being.

At last Tlgm gathered his findings and prepared to depart for Zyyrcon. His report would be glum and he was saddened for the human condition as the ship departed. Then it occurred to him, the trite cliché that humans used to describe all the foibles of the species.

Fuck it, we’re only human!

Tlgm smiled and settled in for the long voyage home.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Randy Murray August 10, 2010 at 7:28 am

Great post, Hal.

The current political environment that uses hate, fear, and outright demagoguery is completely poisoned. It stirs up one side and makes the other so bitter that it turns away. I worry about it, but find its useless to argue with anyone that spews such hatred.

Good luck – I wouldn’t be surprised if you have to turn off comments to this post!
Randy Murray´s last blog ..Strength in Selectivity

Hal Brown August 10, 2010 at 8:44 am

Thank you Randy. I also worry about what’s happening. You summed it up nicely – argument about things of this nature exacerbates the situation. I often wonder where we are headed. In my lifetime I’ve never seen such a divided nation.

Kissie August 10, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Good read, Hal.

I can’t help but wonder — what does the Tigm stand for …it has to be something!
Kissie´s last blog ..DIVORCE vs MURDERMy ComLuv Profile

Hal Brown August 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm

It is T ‘L’ gm and means, The Little Green Man. I was curious if about who would catch that.
Thanks for you support Kissie.

Kissie August 13, 2010 at 1:08 pm

lol, I just realized today that it was an L. Here’s two more – lol!
Kissie´s last blog ..10 Thoughts to PonderMy ComLuv Profile

Jonathan Elliot August 10, 2010 at 7:35 am

Where do I start, Hal. GREAT post :)

I can see why you’d be concerned it might be controversial, but to me it’s very much common sense. Of course “common sense” varies from group to group. So I guess I wanna be in YOUR group.

All those other groups are wrong. Let’s nuke ‘em ;)

Jonathan from Spritzophrenia
(who, prior to reading this, had already planned a post entitled: “Why Can’t We All Just Love Each Other?” Damn hippie ;) )

Hal Brown August 10, 2010 at 8:45 am

Thanks for the comment Jonathan. I am an old hippie. I don’t hate anyone – I detest a lot of people. Make love, not war. :-)

Kissie August 13, 2010 at 1:09 pm

“Detest.” Love it! (no pun)
Kissie´s last blog ..10 Thoughts to PonderMy ComLuv Profile

Mari B August 10, 2010 at 10:08 am

Beautiful post, Hal. Your choices for Tlgm’s analysis skewer the distasteful aspects of our current society. Thank you for lining up observations that clearly point out humanity’s weaknesses. Now I’m resolved to be *bored.*

Hal Brown August 10, 2010 at 10:26 am

Thanks Mari. Now, as Randy pointed out, I should have worked in sex. I would have covered the gamut of human foibles and controversy.

Roger Brown August 12, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Excellent observation, particularly about Sara and Rush. By Golly I think you nailed it!

Hal Brown August 12, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Thanks Roger. Maybe they should marry. :)

Karen Black August 13, 2010 at 7:31 pm

Just when you think the world is turned upside down, it is nice to know there are still people out there with common sense-thanks.

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